All Aboard...?

By Miriam Engstrom


Dr. Bill Renkin, a leading researcher and author, studies the direct relationship between electronics and personal communication. Most of us are engaged in electronic chatter whether it’s through email, information gathering and sharing, or social networking-it’s solidly a way of life in the 21st century. As a parent who grew up in a culture of relative luddites, (telephone party lines were an occasional thrill,) the idea that the percentage of face to face communication is trumped by instant messaging and snippets of life conveyed on Facebook posts and photos is alarming. But, I’m quickly learning that I’ve reached a point where I have to stop fighting it and begin understanding and embracing it.  My kids are on a fast train, I’m no longer the conductor, and I don’t want to be left in the dust.

This conversation goes way beyond my responsibility to set time limits. It’s not that simple. We’re fooling ourselves if we think it is. I’m talking about character development and I’m talking about keeping up with the rest of the world. Whether we like it or not, the internet is shaping our future leaders. Parents provide a foundation for growth and development, but really, we matter much less now than ever before in history.

Renkin states that electronic communication is an “extension of self.” As simple as that sounds, it’s really a huge concept. Think about it. Electronics as an extension of self. What does that mean to you? 

I was raised in a world where the idea of self was about body, mind, spirit connections, and was shaped through university lectures, coffee, and yoga~ and with a little prayer added to the mix I felt complete. The idea that Facebook is an extension of self makes me pause; but I suppose it’s true-even for me; and I suppose it’s a fact of life that cannot be reckoned with.

Yes, without doubt, the internet has opened up our world, our minds and our relationships~through Twitter, I’ve made meaningful connections with virtual strangers. There’s more information out there than I could get through in ten lifetimes, but I’m thinking particularly about social implications that directly impact my teenager’s life; and even just skimming the surface of these ideas, I have a lot of questions:

Does chronic electronic communication stymie the ability to develop intimate relationships, bonding relationships through shared experiences, and a developed sense of empathy?
How does it impact other human qualities like creative inspiration and emotional healing?
Does a child have two separate personalities? An online and and offline self? How do they merge the two? Do they have lives we won’t be privy to unless we secretly read their online conversations? I mean, we have to know that they’re making good choices, right? If they’re on-line, their choices aren’t necessarily transparent. If we suspect the worst, what are the ethical implications of spying on our children? And in doing that, what trust factors are sacrificed?

The stakes are much higher now. We don’t necessarily know who they’re talking with out there. We don’t know what they’re exposed to. It’s a rare teen who will share everything with their parents. In fact, secrets are a part of identity development. Where do we draw the line? How much do we need to know? How can we support them on their journey down the information highway? Or should we just jump aboard and allow them to show us?

Please join this conversation. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.